Don’t Spare the Rod, But Balance It: A Biblical Guide to Wise and Loving Discipline
Biblical parenting requires more than firm correction—it calls for wisdom, love, and balance. This blog explores what Scripture teaches about discipline through key passages such as Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 22:15, and Colossians 3:21. While the Bible emphasizes the need for discipline, it also warns parents not to use it to discourage their children. The proper purpose of discipline is to drive out foolishness from the child so reason can replace it. With appropriate use of Biblical discipline, parents can shape character, nurture faith, and guide children toward a lifelong walk with God.
William Neal Craig Doctor of Ministry (D.Min.) Candidate in Theology and Apologetics Liberty University, John W. Rawlings School of Divinity
11/21/20255 min read
Don’t Spare the Rod, But Balance It
Table of Contents
1. Introduction
2. What Scripture Teaches About Discipline
2.1 Proverbs 13:24 – Love and Correction
2.2 Proverbs 22:15 – The Reality of Foolishness
2.3 Colossians 3:21 – Guarding the Heart of the Child
3. Practical Balance in Biblical Discipline
4. Conclusion
I. Introduction
The Bible addresses how to raise children so they will not only become productive members of the community but also become sincere Christians who follow the faith of their parents. Two Bible passages will be looked at: Proverbs 13:24 and Colossians 3:21. Here, we will read of sparing not the Rod, while the other speaks of not provoking them. One speaks of corporal punishment, the other of thoughtful consideration. These two thoughts do not conflict or counter each other; they work together. It is a wise parent who knows when not to spare the rod and when to choose reason over the rod.
II. What Scripture Teaches About Discipline
Proverbs 13:24 – Love and Correction
In this passage, we read the words of the wise king Solomon, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” To the modern Western reader, the one raised in America, Europe, Australia, etc., in the past 30 years, this sounds harsh. How can Solomon say that if we do not spank our children, we hate our children? While there is no age given for the child in this passage, one could assume that this passage is directed to young children who have not reached the age of reason.
Anyone who has had children can attest that reason develops in a child over time. What are we to do before then, when the actions of children warrant a response, when guidance is needed, but the child will not listen? Spankings may be needed to correct the rebellious child. The rod is not used liberally, but when needed. At times such as these, when reason is not working, the rod of correction is needed. It is needed because, as Steve Dewhirst points out, “Proper discipline teaches respect for authority and for those in positions of authority. With consistent discipline, children learn early on that right is right, wrong is wrong, and that wrongdoing results in real consequences.”[1] If you love your child, you will want them to learn the traits described by Dewhirst. Never spank out of anger but love them enough to correct bad behavior; this is loving discipline, not harmful punishment.
Proverbs 22:15 – The Reality of Foolishness
Another wise saying from Solomon is this, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Here we find that foolishness, not reason, is the nature of youth, but the rod of correction drives away foolishness. Now, it cannot be left here; the parent is not to perform a drive-by speaking and be done with it. No, the “intent of discipline should be for the instruction and benefit of the child.”[2] Instruction should follow discipline; each should be guided by love. I believe this is the spirit behind Paul’s command in Colossians 3:21,
“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
Colossians 3:21 - Guarding the Heart of the Child
As the Child grows, so does reason; that was the purpose of spanking. What are we to do as parents when the child ages into reason? Reason with them. In Hebrews 12:10, we read that the days of chastening are limited and that they are for the betterment of those being chastened. Colossians 3:21 warns parents not to provoke the child, or as the NIV puts it, make them bitter, or they will be discouraged. Parents love the child enough to discipline them and, as they grow, to respect them enough to help them be what God desires them to be, which comes through reason. The stick is the rod, reason is the carrot. As time passes, the rod should shrink and the carrot grow.
III. Practical Balance in Biblical Discipline
In Proverbs 22:6, we read the last of our quotes from Solomon, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” This is the goal of discipline and reason: that they will take the lessons you have taught them and be better for them. As John D. Street and John MacArthur address this in their book, “the real hope for lasting change in children rests in God’s work on their hearts. When fathers address wrong heart attitudes and unbiblical behavior, and teach their children the ways of the Lord, the children will often respond with ready obedience.”[3]
For more information on the issue of the age of foolishness and reason, visit the following sites
· https://bythelightoftruth.com/
IV. Conclusion
The Bible tells parents to raise their children carefully, but firmly. In Proverbs 13:24, Solomon reminds parents that discipline sometimes requires the rod, but it is not to be harsh and should be used sparingly to teach respect, curb rebellion, and help the child realize that actions have consequences. In Proverbs 22:15, Solomon reveals that foolishness is natural to childhood, and that correcting it must be done with instruction and love, not drive-by punishment.
As children mature and their ability to reason grows, the emphasis of discipline shifts. As we read Colossians 3:21, parents are warned not to provoke their children to embitterment, and discipline is meant to guard their hearts as much as their minds. As the children grow, rod gives way to reason, discipline does not end, its form changes as the child's understanding grows.
Ultimately, biblical discipline aims to shape the heart and expand the mind. Solomon, in Proverbs 22:6, tells parents the end goal of raising children. It is to plant wisdom, prune foolishness, and this allows reason to grow, and as it grows, reason bears her fruit of good works and a right relationship with God.
References
[1] Steve Dewhirst, “Child Beating and Insufficient Discipline,” ed. Sewell Hall, Christianity Magazine (Jacksonville, FL: Christianity Magazine, 1995), 15.
[2] John D. Barry et al., Faithlife Study Bible (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2012, 2016), Pr 22:15.
[3] John D. Street and John MacArthur, Men Counseling Men: A Biblical Guide to the Major Issues Men Face (Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 2013).
